Meeting your Bang Buddies Friends? Use the Kitchen!

Hot girls have hot friends. That’s just a rule. Nobody can stop it and nobody can change the way we think, so don’t even think about it. Making friends with hot girls is great and all, but when you meet up with your local fuck friend you’ll remember why you spent so much time on Tinder.

When I met my fuckbuddy’s BFF I was in disbelief, but after cracking a few jokes here and there, I was getting closer.

  1. Finding my Fuckbuddy

    The way I found my fuckbuddy was the same way I found all of my fuckbuddies. Bumble. It’s a great dating app that makes “not dating” a whole lot easier for everyone.

    I matched with my sweet Summer. She was 5’8 with long brown hair and some pretty average sized tits. Her ass though, my God. Her ass was big enough to park ten Tahoes on it – easily. I’m really more into the small boobs/fat ass combo than anything else, so she was a 10/10 to me.

    Since Bumble has a feature that doesn’t let guys make the first move, you just have to sit around and wait for girls to say hello and every day I thank the Lord above for that first message she sent me. Even if all she said was, “hey stud’, I was hooked like crystal.

    After bringing each other to climax numerous times during the week, we were satisfied. Eventually, I ran into her at the bar closest to my place, but I wasn’t complaining. It had been weeks since I saw Summer and I was more than excited to hang out with her.

    She made some polite conversation with me for a while before letting me know that she had found a boyfriend. I wasn’t sad as much as I was bummed that I’d be going home alone that night. The next thing she said though, It was burned into my brain ever since.

  2. Heather

    “This is Heather,” she said. I was blown away by this girl. COme to think of it, I was blown away that someone could actually be hotter than Summer. I mean, Summer was always my prized win, but this girl? She was the real prize.

    She was about 5’6 with shorter blonde hair and a rack so heavenly; I’d dream about it all night and day. She smelled like the sweet scent of pleasure itself and she was wearing a tight dress that showed off her curvy backside.

    I mean, she wasn’t as gifted in the rump as Summer, but she had the face of a supermodel and seemed a little more “fun-sized” than me. Anyways, Summer tried to invite her boyfriend to hang out with us, but he wouldn’t answer.

    Heather and I are getting pretty into it at this point. I’ve bought her a couple of drinks, and we are getting flirty. We may have even made out at the bar a couple of times, I can’t quite remember.

    Heather is literally sucking on my ear when I look over to see Summer crying. Heather asks her what’s wrong and she goes off about her shitty boyfriend and how he’s all sketchy and how he’s never home or whatever. After some more chatting, we all start talking about something else. Things were about to get a whole lot more interesting in this club.

  3. Roomates?

    The next thing I know, me and the girls are in a Taxi on the way to the liquor store near Summer’s house.

    The next memory I have is of Heather pouring UV Blue into Summer’s mouth and all over her white bra.

    I wake up next to two girls in their, and they’re kissing. Kissing. It’s Heather and Summer, and they’re ready to go again.

    I guess the moral of the story is this – keep in touch with your old fuckbuddies. Always.

     

Top 5 Things You Need to do In Your Kitchen

I feel as if everyone falls into two camps: those who feel comfortable in the kitchen or people who are terrified of cooking. While cooking seems like it could be some sort of impossible feat (which I feel is common for those of us who’s mother’s swatted us out of the kitchen until dinner was ready), I promise you cooking isn’t hard.

For those of you who are reading who do feel comfortable cooking, there is always something new you can learn. Sure, you might be a master in one area of the kitchen but there is always something new to learn whether it be a different technique or learning how to cook a completely different cuisine.

  1. Treat your herbs like fresh flowers
    Your flowers aren’t the only things that should go in a vase with some water. The best way to keep your fresh cut herbs is to treat them like fresh cut flowers!
    I recommend investing in mason jars. All you need to do is fill a small mason jar with a little bit of water and then cover the top with a sandwich bag before putting it back into the fridge.
    While this is the best way to keep cut herbs fresh I recommend buying herbs in a pot! Put them near a window and water them occasionally.
  2. Your holding your knife wrong!
    A lot of people hold their knife by the handle… which seems like that should be exactly how you should hold a knife… but guess what? That’s wrong!
    You should pinch the knife with your thumb and forefinger (like you’re making that politician hand gesture… watch any SNL skit) around the blade toward the back of knife next to the handle. That’s how you can master your knife skills and feel like a pro in the kitchen.
  3. Handle your herbs gently
    You need to be delicate with your herbs! When you’re chopping all willy nilly you’re bruising them. The flavor will then run out onto the board when you’re chopping. For example: you should roll basil up like a cigar and slice through. You’ll be left with ribbons of basil and they won’t go brown!
  4. Put a bag on it!
    Did you buy fruit that isn’t close to being ripe. Well, all you need is a banana and a paper bag (which you’ve probably already got from the grocery store. Put a banana in with the unripe fruit into the bag. The banana will help speed up the ripening process and as will the dark paper bag.
  5. Don’t blind yourself after cutting chili! Here’s how:
    Have you ever binged on hot wings only to touch your eyes after? Or what about being careless in the restroom after cutting chili? Well, in order to keep from nessiarily burning the shit out of your eyes (and nether regions) give your hands a rinse with fresh lemon juice. The acid from the lemon juice washes away the chemical capsaicin (which is what makes peppers hot!). Just don’t get lemon juice in your eyes by washing your hands again…